Relational Learning

Provocation: Cultivate ways to build relational learning, and give time to be with children and explore the learning together.

One of our Nurture graduates recently demonstrated how far he has progressed since commencing his Nurture journey. Throughout the last few weeks we have observed him successfully navigate a series of complex social and emotional situations by regulating his emotional state, drawing upon his established networks of support, communicating effectively and using the repertoire of strategies we have been practising with him throughout the past four years.

Transferring to our school after being placed in care, Ethan (as we will refer to him) was and is affected by complex childhood trauma.

Childhood trauma stems from any combination of adverse experiences:

• abuse (physical, emotional, sexual);
• neglect (physical and emotional);
• exposure to alcohol or substance misuse;
• living with a family member who’s depressed or has an unmanaged or undiagnosed mental illness;
• divorce or separation;
• having a family member who’s incarcerated;
• witnessing domestic violence or a sibling being abused;
• homelessness;
• living in a war zone;
• immigration;
• involvement with the criminal justice system;
• racism;
• involvement with the child protection system.

Ethan’s complex trauma occurred due to the cumulative effect of his early childhood experiences; his placement situation exacerbated his trauma creating toxic stress which was damaging his developing brain.

Toxic stress in the schooling environment presents as difficulty following instructions. Consequently Ethan was perceived as being “naughty”. However this was not deliberate defiance it was rather his brain shutting down.

Developments in Neuroscience have provided us with the understanding of the neuroplasticity of children’s brains and the brain’s ability to heal. As educators we have the ability to nurture children’s growth through the use of trauma informed practices.

Our relationships, as educators, with our most complex children are a part of the narrative of who they become.

These are not naughty children. They are children who have learned some sophisticated ways of being that keep them safe.

Ethan struggled with parentified behaviours, disorganised attachment, poor emotional regulation and at the age of 9 was unable to read. Due to his disrupted schooling and the abuse he experienced Ethan did not have a template for how to manage himself within the school setting nor did he trust the adults within this environment. School was a stressor in itself creating in Ethan a constant state of anxiety and hyper vigilance. Consequently he spent the vast majority of his life feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

Neurochemicals that are released in an anxious child are designed to trigger fight or flight responses, the natural end to the fight or flight response is intense physical exertion either by escaping the situation or fighting for one’s life. This pent up energy meant that Ethan regularly left his learning space or “went off”. In one school term Ethan’s fight and flight responses caused over $5000 damage to school property. And whilst his amygdala directed traffic his cortex was in hiatus.

The key to supporting children who have experienced abuse related trauma is to create a relational environment in which their experiences directly address the delays and difficulties that have resulted from the trauma. In general, these environments aim to: foster a sense of predictability in children’s routines; connect children to relationships with peers and adults who are supportive and consistent; keep children calm; build children’s memory and cognitive functions as a way of them understanding their experiences of abuse and their effects; contain and influence children’s behaviour; support children to shape their internal emotional reactions associated with fear, anger, shame and disconnection.

We developed a team around the child. A team who listened, understood and acknowledged his feelings. We wrapped around him and at times quite literally. There were days I felt the pounding of his heart against the palm of my hand whilst co-regulating with a child whose body was firing adrenaline at a pace that seemed almost too intense to be contained.

In the absence of therapeutic services we created a therapeutic environment within our school.

We gave our time to being and exploring the learning together. We established the relational concept of trust through repeated experiences, continuity and a safe base from which he could gain the support he needed. We believed he was capable and we communicated this every day.

And over time he began to connect.

And then he began to read.

And now he can navigate his social and emotional world independently by selecting from a range of strategies… well most of the time.

Traumatised children have received messages about relationships with adults that reflect the agenda of those who have abused them. These messages undermine the confidence that traumatised children have in all adults. Traumatised children need repeated opportunities of positive exchanges with adults to change the lens they carry about how relationships are experienced.

Australian Childhood Foundation, 2006. Responding to children who have experienced abuse related trauma – Ideas for school based treatment.

If we understand that all behaviour is communication… we listen. If we believe children are capable, competent and rich in potential… we start from where the child is at and include the child in their learning processes. If we believe children are the subject of rights… we treat children with respect and dignity and we do not blame or shame them. If we believe there are inclusive and ethical processes that mean that every single child can be in a place that allows them to encounter and come in to their own way of being… we create learning communities for every child.

Our most valuable resources to support children’s learning are the educators in our schools. When we give time to exploring the learning together with the children – the social, emotional and intellectual – then we support them to grow.